Guard Your Heart.

In an attempt to shield themselves from the sting of heartbreak and vulnerability, guys are less willing to commit and make their intentions clear with every word, action or thought. They would rather hang on to the life-line of friendship, which has minimal expectations but offers almost the same comfort that a relationship does than to bravely plunge into the depths of the unknown - risking it all.

 

The infamous cycle comprises of: befriending of a number of girls with the intention of finding a

potential, getting to know them personally without any kind of commitment (disguised in friendship) and if there is one that stands out from all the other girls, likely to be ‘The One’ she is then pursued. One would probably think, “But there is nothing wrong with that, how else is a guy meant to find a woman to marry without knowing her first?” The problem with this approach is that 1) A girl is unaware that she is on the review list with a number of other girls, 2) A girl can get deceived in thinking that the friendship is being built on mutual feelings, yet the guy is randomly emotionally attached to other girl 'friends', 3) It is self-seeking as all the guy cares about is finding the right person no matter how many women he goes through and hurts in the process (unintentionally) and 4) It allows a guy to enjoy the emotional and psychological benefits of an exclusive relationship without offering any form of commitment - in the name of friendship.

 

I must mention that this kind of approach is most familiar with church guys. And what I find ironic is that, the guys who are quite frank about their intentions from the onset are usually the random guys. Which is puzzling because shouldn't the saved guys be the honest ones, the safer bets from lying and cheating scoundrels that are out there? What ever happened to praying and asking God to for the right woman? What ever happened to seeking Christ to order and direct their steps? What ever happened to enquiring from the Lord? What ever happened to trusting God to reveal Eve? Why do they have to move from one girl to the other - searching - when they can simply ask? An example from the Bible which is a replica of seeking for a wife the godly way can be noted. In Genesis 24, Abraham sends his eldest servant to find Isaac a wife amongst his kinsmen – the Canaanites. When the servant reaches the city gates, scripture says in verse 11, “And he made his camels to kneel down outside the city by a well of water at the time of the evening when women go out to draw water.” It continues to state in the following verses, “And he said, O Lord, God of my master Abraham, I pray You, cause me to meet with good success today, and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I Stand here by the well of water, and the daughters of men of the city are coming to draw water. And let it be so that the girl to whom I say, I pray you, let your jar that I may drink, and she replies,  Drink, and I will give your camels drink also – let her be the one whom You have selected and appointed and indicated for your servant Isaac [to be a wife to him]…” Verse 15 notes, “Before he had finished speaking, behold out came Rebekah… 16 articulates, “And the girl was beautiful and attractive, chaste and modest, and unmarried…”

From this scripture we learn that, 1) The servant prayed and asked for the success of his quest from the Lord. 2) He made clear the specifications of the woman’s qualities in which he would be able to distinguish her from the other young women. 3) He asked the Lord that overall, He should be the one to select, indicate and appoint the lass. 4) As he had asked, God granted him and gave him the best. She was beautiful, attractive, chaste, modest and unmarried. In the process, I do not recall anywhere in the scripture where it mentions the number of women the servant had to interview in order for him to get to the right one – Rebekah. Scripture says before he even finished praying, behold the right one came along (who did exactly what he had asked from God). What does this mean? Men do not have to go through a series of women in order for them to discover the right one. The reason they are busy searching is because they are not praying. They are using worldly perception, mind-set and reasoning instead of relying upon the Lord.

 

To protect and guard oneself from falling into the trap of being part of "The review list" at the expense of one's time, effort, feelings and emotions - there are a number of things that one can do to arm themselves:

1)         Guard you heart. Protect your heart from false romance which normally unfolds in the name of friendship. It is easy to find yourself entangled in mini love situations whereby you open your heart to a person whom his level of commitment to you, you are not sure about - just because the ‘signs’ are there. What signs? Until a guy says something to you, it doesn’t mean anything. No matter how REAL the signs may be; he loves the Lord, preaches fire, has all the qualities you are praying for, has the same interests as you, decent, handsome, you talk every day, you’re the first person he calls when something happens in his life – good or bad, you have been friends for years, your parents know him and he knows your parents and etcetera. Guard your heart! Remember: Until he says anything to you that CLEARLY suggests a love relationship, do not even go there.

 

2)         Express yourself. When a guy comes up to you and befriends you with no clear intention, simply express yourself (do not be afraid). Tell him where you are, what friendship is to you, whether you are for the idea of a boy-girl friendship, whether you are comfortable with it and the boundaries. Make it clear where you stand with such matters. Do not assume that he knows or he’ll get it. So that if he is coming with his fishing agenda (reviewing tendencies), you quickly detect him and give him the boot (a golden one at that).

 

3)         Ask about the intention.  If you see the friendship taking a different turn, getting serious without anyone saying anything; ask about where it is going or the intention. So that you know exactly where he stands before building castles in your head, thinking you’re the next Mrs Johnson when in actual fact, he has his eye on someone else becoming Mrs Johnson.  

 

4)         Make up your mind. Be very intentional on whom you allow into your life. Not just every guy should have a piece of you (in friendship) just because it is permissible.  Am not saying shy away from guys and close yourself off. Talk to them, hang out (as the Spirit leads), love them as your brothers but just know where the buck stops. If you cannot handle it all together then, you might as well stay away - for your own good.

 

This is to say, we need to be wise with the kind of friendships we allow with the opposite sex. Let intentions be clear so that there are no misunderstandings and unnecessary heartbreaks. No one prides themself in getting hurt or being heart-broken. We all have fragile hearts, therefore it is best especially as children of God to stop with the second guessing games, “let’s see if you are the one” games, no! Let’s keep it real, honest, and godly. The world should be learning from us on how to do things the right way... Let us guard our hearts...

 

Much love, be blessed.