Modesty: Dressing to kill or to heal?

It is becoming apparent that our society is retrogressing to the times of Adam and Eve “and they were both naked and were not ashamed” [Genesis 2:25] as wearing less is often paid tribute to and praised. Anyone who dares to bare it all is esteemed as being original, organic and a true representation of themself.  The more revealing an apparel is, the better chances of the wearer being viewed as hot, sexy, a fashion icon, bold or a trend-setter. Take Rihanna’s shocking embellished halter dress she wore at the CFDA Awards, which left nothing to imagination, for example. It received mixed feelings but fashion enthusiasts called it bold, sexy, hot and classic.

 

These days, it does not matter what you wear or how you wear it - as long as you look good and are confident in it then you have it right. The tighter it is the better. The shorter it is, the more comfortable. The skimpier it is, the hotter it looks. It is all about wearing what you can to ‘look good’ isn’t it? Well, unfortunately or rather fortunately God doesn’t think so. 1Timothy 2:9 pronounces, “Also I desire that women should adorn themselves modestly and appropriately and sensibly in seemly apparel…”  The Compact Oxford English dictionary defines modest as: not showing off the body - decent. Meaning that God’s desire for women is to dress in a manner that does not show off the body. Quite contradictory to popular dress consensus as popular dress consensus educates women to dress in a manner that accentuates their body features – the legs, hips, butt, boobies, figure, etc.

What usually lacks from the fashion-expose-memo is the emphasis that clothes have a language and a voice; they speak. They can either communicate a favourable or undesirable message about who you are. They do not necessarily define you but they create an impression. And as women after God’s heart, we need to understand that our clothes ought to express godliness. Godliness according to the Bible is dressing in apparel that is modest; that does not show off the body. In such mannerism, we honour our bodies and we honour God with our bodies as 1Corinthians 6: 19-20 commands. Honouring our bodies is not just a feel-good experience but a reflection of inmost self-respect which does not only echo within us but transcends to our brothers too. When it comes to men and how they view our dressing; we are usually defensive, justifying ourselves in the name of, “If I feel good in it then too bad!” “They should exercise self-control” “Why should I be restricted in what I want and feel like wearing just because of a man?” To an extent, one may be right - they have the freedom to Be.

Galatians 5:13 states, “For you, brethren, were [indeed] called to freedom…” So we have that freedom in Christ but it continues to say, “Only [do not let your] freedom be an incentive to your flesh and an opportunity or excuse [for selfishness]…” Do not let your freedom to dress in anything (since we live in a liberal society) be an incentive to your flesh and an opportunity or excuse for selfishness. Let’s be honest now ladies, the reason we go out of our way to wear outfits that accentuate our figures, butt, thighs, legs, boobies is for the attention of our male counterparts. Deny it all you want but you know it’s true. It is the desire to feel wanted – vanity and pride; “Look at me now!” “Look at me now!” And when we evaluate this according to scripture, it is an incentive to the flesh. Women have used the power of visual presentation of self (knowing that men are visual) to lure men – as an opportunity for selfishness (to feel powerful, wanted and in control). Unfortunately all men whether saved or unsaved struggle resisting lustful thoughts and imaginations when it comes to immodest (revealing) dressing. An extract from a book I recently finished reading titled, “I kissed dating goodbye” by Joshua Harris (& Yes, I kissed dating goodbye) goes like this: “You may not realize this, but we guys most commonly struggle with our eyes. I think many girls are innocently unaware of the difficulty a guy has in remaining pure when looking at a girl who is dressed immodestly. Now, I don’t want to dictate your wardrobe, but honestly speaking, I would be blessed if girls considered more than fashion when shopping for clothes. Yes, guys are responsible for maintaining self-control, but you can help by refusing to wear clothing designed to attract attention to your body.” By the way, this is a saved guy speaking (just saying). So you know that it is not only ‘unsaved’ guys who struggle but saved ones too.

What are we to do then? Here are a couple of things to do:

1)         Be your brother’s keeper. If you were not aware that your dressing can cause a brother in the Lord to stumble, now you know. I like what 1Corinthians 8:13 says. It is talking about food but the deeper meaning connotes that whatever that one may be doing which could cause a brethren’s falling, one needs to stop it. I remember a guy once told me that he tried church once and never returned because when he got there, he couldn’t concentrate. The way the women were dressed was a distraction and he couldn’t bare it. You see how deep this is? Till today, the guy has never attempted going to church after that incident. Before you decide to wear that super tight skirt to that prayer meeting or your leggings with a small tight t-shirt (God forbid) to a youth gathering, think about your brother. Do not be the reason he stumbles and falls!

 

2)        Scan your outfits. Before you buy your clothes – that crop top or mini skirt with the matching shorts, think about whether they cover (obviously not) or expose your body. Any outfit, before you wear it; ask yourself whether it represents Christ and godliness. Is it modest? Remember 1Timothy 2:9 articulates that women should dress appropriately and sensibly.

 

3)        Refuse humiliation and exploitation. One thing that we need to understand is that more than being sexy and hot in skimpy clothing; we instead create an impression of low self-esteem as opposed to confidence, neediness, attention seeking and self-disrespect. It basically communicates an underlying message that you do not respect yourself, you do not esteem yourself as a woman and you are using men’s attention to fill a deeper void that lurks within. A woman who understands who she is and is aware of her beauty within does not need her legs or butt or boobs or hips to commend her beauty. Her personality and character will do that for her, because that is who she really is; not her clothes.

 

4)        Let your character and personality accentuate your inner beauty. 1Timothy 2:10 declares that women should adorn themselves with good deeds “deeds in themselves good and for the good and advantage of those contacted by them.” Build your beauty from inside out. And truth is, when you are beautiful inside, no matter how effortless (ordinary, simple) you may look on the outside; you will still be beautiful.

 

My dear sisters, let our dress sense be a representation of godliness. Let us honour our bodies, and honour the Lord with our bodies. Let us protect our brothers and not cause them to stumble by the way we dress. Let us dress to heal and not to kill.

Much love, be blessed.