Vision...Does he have one?

Gone are the days when a guy would come up to you and say something like “Did it hurt, when you fell out of heaven” or “where have you been all my life” or “if I could rearrange the alphabets, I’d put U and I together” and you would melt like butter in a saucepan. Then, we appreciated pick-up lines but now hello! We’re in the 20^th century; it’s what we call being cheesy today (who still uses those anyway?). With times changing and relationships becoming a central topic in everyday life; women are looking for more stable relationships and stable mates. By a stable mate I mean a man with a sound mind. And by a sound mind, I mean a man who is responsible, focused, independent, knows where he’s headed in life and is working towards achieving his goals. Nothing can be more frustrating for a woman than to be stuck with a man who has no vision, and unfortunately some men are walking around with none.

Going back to the bible, Proverbs 29:18 says “Where there is no vision, the people perish…” Having no vision means having no sense of direction and having no sense of direction means settling for just about anything and settling for just about anything leads to confusion and dissatisfaction. According to the oxford dictionary a vision is the ability to think about the future with imagination or wisdom. It is important for every person to have a vision but most notably my focus today is on men because tomorrow they will be leading not only themselves but a wife and children. When we look back at the origin of man in the bible, we realize the true mandate given to men after God created the heavens and earth. Taking it back to Genesis 2:18-22, God had created a man: Adam and gave him a mandate to name every living creature. After God had given Adam the mandate, He realized that “It was not good for Adam to be alone, he needed a helper” and this is when Eve was formed and created. So basically God creates Adam, gives him a mandate to fulfil and after giving him a mandate, God realizes Adam needs a helper. Now, why would God say Adam needed a helper? He could have simply said Adam needs a friend or a companion but He specifically said Adam needs a helper. According to my knowledge you don’t need a helper if there is no work that needs to be done. If a helper is required, it is because there is work that needs to be completed with the assistance of extra hands.

The gist of the story is that; God creates man, gives him a vision/mandate and then blesses him with a helper to fulfil that mandate. So back to my point about men having a vision; a man has to have a God-given vision/ mandate that he needs to fulfil so that by the time the woman is presented to him by God (in marriage), she has something to work with - because she was designed to help. In being designed to be a helper, this doesnot mean that you discard embarking on a journey of discovering Your purpose as a woman, no. It means that you use your purpose to help the man. The problem though is that some men run around looking for the right woman instead of going before God and seeking Him for their God-given vision/mandate so that by the time the woman comes, her God-given attributes are put to good use. How can one help if there is nothing to help with? The sad part in all of this is that we women allow ourselves to fall for men who are still trying to figure themselves out and are still not sure of where they should be or what they should be doing. Usually the result is disappointment; it is the frustration of having nothing to work with because our original design spells “HELPER” “HELP HIM WITH HIS VISION.” If there is no mandate to work with you lie idle in discontentment waiting for him to figure himself out (and that’s if he does).

A man who has no clear understanding of what God has called him to be; run from him unless you do not mind living in frustration for the rest of your life. It is time we set the bar high for men so that they realize the responsibility that God has placed upon them. Compromise will mislead you! He may be a sweet, good guy with all other exceptional qualities but if he has no clue on the direction his life is headed on a spiritual, physical, mental, financial etc. level then you might want to consider – not considering him. Maybe you playing the pity-party saviour card right now of “I can help him discover his God-given vision, just the right push and more church services will get him on the right track…” Yes, you are a helper but helping him discover his vision is not what you are designed to do; you are designed to help him WITH the vision. Let God do His part.

Maybe you asking yourself what I mean by clear vision and mandate… Paul the apostle who wrote half if not more of the New Testament introduced himself at the beginning of every book as “Paul, called to be an apostle of Jesus by the will of God… ” This simply meant that in every book he wrote, he was affirming whom he was because he knew what his mandate was – his God-given vision of preaching the good news to the gentiles. How many men can boldly state and affirm their mandate in Christ? Be it evangelist of Jesus by the will of God or CEO of Jesus by the will of God or musician of Jesus by the will of God or entrepreneur of Jesus by the will of God… It is all about revelation and the understanding of one’s vision or mandate for the glory of God.

So my ladies, this is about the seriousness of a man’s vision; him being knowledgeable about it (acting on it) and you understanding that a man needs to have one (for where there is no vision the people perish). Take a step of faith and stand… Let them know that we won’t settle for less than what God has blessed and esteemed them to be.  In us doing that, we are encouraging our brothers to be better men, better husbands and better fathers (in which we also benefit greatly).

Much love, Be blessed.

Why am I here?

Have you ever been boggled by questions like,“Can I do anything significant in this life time?” “What is my purpose here on earth?” “Was there a purpose in me being born?” “Does my life really matter?” If you have, then this is for you to read and ponder upon. If not, I hope that by the end of reading this you will be encouraged to ask yourself the same questions and try answer them.

Most of the time we look at people whom I will say ‘have made it’ and think “gosh how did they get there?” or probably go with the easier option of “some people are just lucky” but truth is: it is not a matter of probability but a matter of mindset. When talking about mindset, it is your attitude towards a particular phenomenon – how you think and what you think about a particular thing, situation or event. What you think or meditate on is who you become, and I am sure you have heard this a number of times. Some of you are probably thinking of Proverbs 23:7 as I speak that “For as he thinks within himself, so he is.”

For the longest time, a woman’s ‘place’ had been known to be the kitchen. The purpose of a woman was closely related with nurturing and domestic responsibilities; which is of course true to a certain extent but quite limiting for any woman. If one were to probably get a chance to individually interview women then, on what they thought their role or purpose was; the most reoccurring answer would have probably been, “to get married and have children.” This is contrary to how most women think nowadays in respect of their future and significance. Women today are career driven, goal oriented and dream assertive; which is a liberating breakthrough. Women are realizing that there is more to life beyond marriage and having children, and that is purpose. Purpose is the reason why you are who you are. It answers the questions of: for whom were you born and for what reason were you born.

Living life from a perspective of purpose is fulfilling and rewarding. You realize that your life matters, you are needed, you are worth it, you have something unique that other people need and most importantly you have been given by God an opportunity to serve others. Purpose is different from career, goals and dreams. A career - anyone can have, goals - anyone can set, and dreams - everyone dreams but as for purpose - it is uniquely crafted and fashioned by God to personally accentuate you as an individual. Jeremiah 1:5, which we are quite familiar with says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” God was telling Jeremiah that He had ordained him a prophet to the nations even before he was born. This is purpose and everyone has one. This does not mean that we are all called to be prophets, no. Some of you God has ordained; musicians to the nations, entrepreneurs to the nations, poets to the nations, writers to the nations, politicians to the nations, doctors to the nations, the list is endless.

Women in the bible like Ruth, Esther, the widow of Zarephath, Deborah and Jael set a benchmark as to what greater roles God expects us women to tap into. A bit of background on what each woman is known for… Ruth bore the lineage of Jesus Christ (Ruth 4:17-22), Esther delivered the Jews from Haman’s evil plot to have them killed and annihilated (Esther 4, 8), the widow of Zarephath fed Elijah in his wondering about and hiding at brook Cherith (1 Kings 17:8-16), Deborah was the only female judge in Israel (Judges 4) and Jael killed a great enemy of Israel, Sisera (Judges 4: 17-21). These are all women but look at the work they are noted and remembered for because of purpose. Ruth is not remembered as the woman who married Boaz but a woman who bore the lineage of Christ, Esther is not remembered as the woman who married King Ahasuerus but a woman who saved the Jews, Deborah is not remembered as the wife of Lappidoth but a woman who became the only female judge in Israel and Jael is not remembered as Hebers wife but the woman who killed Sisera. That is purpose; it is uniquely crafted and fashioned by God to personally accentuate you as an individual & it answers the questions of: for whom were you born and for what reason were you born.

Now going back to mindset, I put it to you that (a Roux moment) do you believe you are significant? Do you believe you have a purpose? Do you believe that your life matters, not just to you but to others too? Because as you think so shall you be, according to Proverbs 23:7. Your attitude towards you will determine how far you go in life and whether you fulfil the purpose that you were brought on this earth for. Life is beyond career, marriage, children, goals but it is about purpose. Discover your purpose, you discover You. For some time I have been pleading my case before God asking Him to reveal to me like He did to Jeremiah what my purpose is. I once posted a status on my Facebook (which reminds me of my hearts' cry) which read “There has got to be more to life, I won’t stop searching until I find it.” I don’t know what other people may have thought I was searching for but I was simply talking about purpose; until God reveals it I will not stop asking because I understand that when I find purpose, I find me and when I find me I know exactly why I am here.

I cannot tell you why YOU are here but God can. He has the answers. My urge to you today is to challenge your mind to think beyond “some people are lucky” “some people were just made for this and that” “marriage and children is the ultimate.” Everyday in your mind these are the words that should be echoing “I have a purpose, I was born for a reason, God appointed me to be and until I discover what that purpose is – I will not stop enquiring of the Lord.” 

A man cannot fill that void

Men, men, men, oh men! Love them and to a certain extent resent them at the same time (haha). Romeos one minute and heart-breakers the next, nonetheless we still fall for them anyway. Sometimes I do wonder what it is about them that makes us fall; is it their charm, physique, strength, smile, their innate ability to protect, their embrace or simply their presence? Beats me but all I know is: we spend countless days daydreaming about the “perfect”man who will sweep us off our feet and become our knight & shining armour. Nothing wrong with a bit of dreaming but most of the time this Perfect man/knight & shining armour becomes our social escapism from the real issues that hound us.

Such issues include: loneliness, low self-esteem, neediness, discontentment, fear and rejection. Our hearts deceive us into believing that if Mr Perfect comes along, he will truly be a Knight & shining armour and rescue us from the unscrupulous beast of loneliness, low self-esteem, neediness, discontentment, fear and rejection that we suffer from. Well, unfortunately that does not happen in real life, maybe in the movies. Instead if Mr Perfect (who is really not perfect) does happen to come along, all those negative feelings about yourself are exposed and magnified. A man can tell you that you are beautiful but he cannot make you beautiful, a man can be there when you need him but he cannot fill the emptiness your soul dreads, a man can protect physically but he cannot save you from the fears your heart chants deep within, a man can affirm you day in and out but he cannot re-assure you from the haunting doubts of self and a man can comfort you but cannot feel the depths of what you feel. Moreover women and men are apparently from two opposite worlds, so most of the emotional escapades we go through they have neither clue about nor know how to handle them.

We all want to fall in love at some point in our lives (most ladies would agree with me on this one) with a great man; who will love us, protect us, cherish us, affirm us, respect us, and honour us but I believe we need to start somewhere first. We need to be in love with two people first; Christ and ourselves. Being in love with Christ allows you the contentment that no man can offer you, it beautifies you, uplifts you, fulfils you, embraces you with joy and assures you that you are loved with a perfect love by a Perfect Man (who is really perfect) who shall never disappoint you, hurt you, reject you, give up on you or let go of you. John 15:9 states, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.” Real love is found in Christ. He will beautify you with His word, transform you with His love, adorn you with His kindness and secure you with His peace.

It is in this very process of abiding in His love, whereby you will begin to understand that you are not alone – you have a friend in Jesus, who heals, restores, embraces, protects and affirms. And in having Him as a friend you realize that a man is just a by-the-way recreational companion (haha). Ok, they are not just ‘by-the-way recreational companions’ but you get my point? They are not the centre of our existence but Christ is! I am telling you, once you submerge yourself in this truth, you will not need a man to complete you but he will complement who you already are when he comes.

I can’t begin to express the contentment I have found in my relationship with Christ; the more I go deep the more I realize “Man! I don’t need no rescuing from a man, Prince Charming/Knight man can wait…until Christ has me together.” No man will want to deal with your insecurity issues, rejection issues, low self-esteem issues, etc. He has his own baggage to deal with. Let Christ deal with those issues for you because He can and most evidently wants to deal with those issues for you. Matthew 11:28 says, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Let us keep our eyes fixed on Christ, (Hebrews 12:2-3) cease the moment and live in the abundance of His love, beauty, security, fulfilment, confidence and peace.

If you have any testimony to share, message or note, please feel free to leave a comment below or e-mail at: lassvilletoryland@gmail.com

Much love, be blessed J

 

Is Appearance Everything?

We live in a world where much emphasis is placed on appearance; how you look, how you dress and to a certain extent what you wear or rather whose ‘name’ you wear. You flip open the cover of a Glamour magazine and from the word go you are welcomed by beauty tips, funky new hairstyles to try out, hits or miss’ of celebrity outfits, latest trends from the runway and makeup products to match your vibrant personality & dress style.  Appearance seems to be everything or is it? We spend so much time focusing on how we look on the exterior; the hair, dress, the nails, accessories etc. (which is not a bad thing, I mean you should look good) but what about the interior? What about the person you are on the inside? Is that person as furbished as your exterior?

There is certainly nothing wrong with looking good, do not get me wrong but my worry is: we focus so much on the external person to the point where we neglect the internal one - which happens to be the most important because that is the person you really are, not your clothes or accessories or make up or hair. 1 Peter 3:3-4 says “Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and putting on of gold jewellery, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” So clear and precise. Imperishable beauty comes from the hidden person of the heart who is of a gentle and quiet spirit. What really attracts people to a person is not how they look but who they are on the inside. And I believe that if you spend time nurturing that person you are on the inside that is where your real beauty will radiate from. If people like you because of what you have, how you dress and how you look then they have not discovered the real beauty within you. If you love yourself because of how you look on the outside then you have not had an encounter with the beauty that resonates within you. If I were to ask you this question: What is beautiful about you? What would you say?

1Timothy 2:9-10 says “Likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness – with good works.” Ladies (something on the side) if you want a good godly man to notice you; braided hair, gold, or pearls and costly attires will get you somewhere but nowhere really. It is good works that will attract him to you & make him fall helplessly in love with you. Good works emanate as a result of the "hidden person’s" condition. If the condition of the hidden person exudes love, humility, forgiveness, kindness, giving, encouragement then no doubt the works will express that love, humility, forgiveness, kindness, giving and encouragement. The focus on braided hair, gold and apparel can only attract the wrong men who are drawn to you by lust (and that is the last thing you want). Notice the focus; by focus I mean that it becomes a way in which you define you. Meaning that for example; if you don’t have a weave on – you don’t feel yourself, if not wearing make-up (lipstick, gloss or mascara) you don’t feel yourself or if you don’t have your nails done – you feel incomplete. This summarily means that you value more how you look which sometimes can be an obsession that overshadows your inner splendour.

So what am I saying? Invest in your hidden person of the heart as the bible calls it. Adorn that person with the word of God. Let the word mesmerise, transform and renew the hidden person of the heart. As it is transformed on a daily basis, that gentle and quiet spirit will ooze out of you without even trying hard and the good works will come naturally. Intentionally decide (like you decide on your wardrobe) to allow Christ to work in your hidden person of the heart through His word. And with doing that; your inner beauty will shine. When your inner beauty shines, you won’t need to rely on your exterior to express who you are but this inner magnificence will advocate for you. Appearance may be something but it is not everything, inner splendour is.

If you have any testimony to share, message or note, please feel free to leave a comment below or e-mail at: lassvilletoryland@gmail.com  

Much love, be blessed.