Returning to Your First Love

First loves hold a steadfast reputation for being memoirs of young love that are either never forgotten or are accounted for as one of the most bona fide experiences in love.  Some may wish to forget their experiences with first loves whilst others may be left feeling nostalgic about their encounters. Either way, first loves are known or rather said to leave an indelible impression whether good or bad.

Sitting in my room the other day before going to bed, the Lord started speaking to me about certain things; particularly the love of the world. He took me to two scriptures; Revelations 2:1-7 and 1John 2:15-17. Revelations 2:1-7 is a message to the Church of Ephesus from God and this is what God is saying (verse 3&4) “I know you are enduring patiently and are bearing up for My name’s sake, and you have not fainted or become exhausted or grown weary. But I have this [one charge to make] against you: that you have left (abandoned) the love that you had at first [you have deserted Me, your first love].” 1John 2:15-17 implores, “Do not love or cherish the world or the things that are in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world – the lust of the flesh [craving for sensual gratification] and the lust of the eyes [greedy longings of the mind] and the pride of life [assurance in one’s own resources or in the stability of earthly things] – these do not come from the Father but are from the world [itself].”

As I sat there after reading the scriptures, I thought to myself what is the love of the world? Could it be the pursuit for things? Could it be the dependency on one’s own capabilities? Could it be the drive to improve one’s personal living by acquiring possessions? In the midst of being baffled by the questions and the meaning of the love of the world, I got my answer. The love of the world is when we put our ambitions, dreams, purpose, pursuits, accreditations, beauty, gifts, talents and aspirations before God – Christ. It is when we allow the very things that God has blessed us with to engulf us in a way that they usurp His place in our lives. It is so easy to get caught up in the head rush of life; getting this and that done, becoming this, being that and accomplishing this and that to the point where our love for Christ imperceptibly dies out. By love dying out this does not bluntly mean the halting of church and most probably cursing the day you heard about the gospel, no. It means you do the very things which you are expected to do as a Christian but without the love. You go to church, serve, pray, attend every prayer meeting, and go about doing your business each day without the expression of love for the One who gave you the ability to do those things. As we recall Revelations 2:3-4, we see that the church of Ephesus was doing all the right things any church could be expected to do – enduring patiently and bearing up for the Lord’s name sake but were still impelled by God to return back to their first love (Him).

This really challenged me because God was showing me that 1) You can do all the "right things" a Christian is expected to do but still miss the Saviour-abandon Him. 2) It is very easy to be consumed by the things of the world in pursuit of fulfilment, happiness and reason for existence. And sometimes it is not because you purposely forsake the Lord as your first love or run after the things of the world – it is usually good intentions gone wrong. You want to serve the Lord with all you have but somehow you find yourself focused on what you have to do or expected to do instead of God or you are driven and passionate about life to the point where it takes first priority – putting God in the back seat.

1John 2:17 says, “And the world passes away and disappears, and with it the forbidden cravings (the passionate desires, the lust) of it; but he who does the will of God and carries out His purposes in his life abides (remains) forever.” Key revelations in this verse: “the world passes away,” and “he who does the will of God and carries out His purposes.” 1) The world passes: I know people usually do not like talking about the end times, the Lord’s coming, Heaven and Hell – some do not even believe in it. But truth is, the earth is passing away and all these good efforts to leave legacies, build empires, make names for ourselves will pass away too (like Solomon says in Ecclesiastes it is all meaningless and vanity in the end). 2) He who does the will of God and carries out His purposes: It is one thing to live out Your purpose and it is another living out God’s purpose for you. What is important is to live out God’s plan for your life, not your own because one thing we have to know; we will have to account for the lives we lived here on earth (and that’s really daunting coming to think about it). Can you imagine standing before God accounting for all that you had done on earth, only for Him to respond by telling you that that was not His will for your life (the trauma! Oh Lord).

So how does one really go about it? Put Jesus Christ at the centre of it all. I remember when we were growing up there was this WWJD phase (remember that?) What Would Jesus Do? I reckon we need to go back to that. In everything we do God has to come first; in our ambitions, talents, gifts, purpose, aspirations, dreams, plans – everything. Because it is in this way that we will be able to avoid the pitfalls of focusing too much on the things of the world but instead focus on our first love – which is Christ Jesus. Let your dreams be God’s dreams, let your ambition be God’s ambition, let your talents be God’s talents, let your purpose be God’s purpose, let your handsomeness be God’s handsomeness, let your beauty be God’s beauty – let it all be about Christ.

You know I sat there on my bed thinking to myself, “girl, you still got a long way to go.” God was basically nudging me to get back to the heart of Our relationship – love. It is not about being a good Christian but it is about love. It is not about the earthly things but it is about His purpose for our lives which of course He will accomplish whilst we live on earth. It is about loving the Lord God with the mind, heart and soul which requires one to let go of other first loves - letting Him take His place as thee first love. I don’t know what might be taking the place of God as a first love in your life; maybe your career, job, family, marriage, friends, money, ambition, purpose – but I am here to tell you that your original-first love is waiting for you to rush back into His caring platonic arms of love. Go along, and run back... He is waiting.

Much love, be blessed.

Celibacy… Why wait?

According to a Wikipedia definition, celibacy is the voluntary state of being unmarried, sexually abstinent or both, usually for religious reasons. For this article, we will be considering the latter which states that celibacy is the voluntary state of being sexually abstinent. A state of action that our generation can barely relate with since almost everything in society promotes promiscuity.

Popular consensus says “try it”, relationship columns emphasize its importance in a relationship, relief organizations advocate “do it safe”, ignorance says “do it for the experience” and TV says “if you wait, you earn yourself the title of being the biggest loser.” What used to be regarded as a sacred union which could only be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage is now considered a tool for trial, manipulation, pleasure and self-affirmation.    

What is usually not known nor said about sexual intimacy outside marriage besides the fact that God condemns it (Yes He does) is that there are other detrimental consequences. To base this on scripture; 1Corinthians 6:9 articulates, “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral (fornicators), nor idolaters…will inherit the kingdom of God.” According to the compact Oxford English dictionary, fornication is having sexual intercourse with someone one is not married to. 1Corinthians 6:18 adds on stipulating that, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexual immoral person sins against his own body.” Now that it is clear that God does condemn sex outside marriage, we can move on to the point I raised in the beginning of the paragraph about the detrimental consequences of having sex outside marriage. If you probably think, I’ll be going through the clichéd pregnancy, STI's then think again – that is for the organizations to do (well not necessarily the organizations, just making a point. We all have the responsibility to educate).   

Mark 10:7-8 states, “For this reason a man shall leave behind his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and cleave closely to her permanently, And the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Key sentences I am looking for; CLEAVE CLOSELY PERMANENTLY and THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE FLESH. When two people join together sexually, cleaving to one another they become one flesh. This means that everything this person is, you become and what you are they become. Ephesians 5:31-32 calls this joining into one a mystery and indeed it is a mystery. Taking this back to conventional relationships; each time two people engage in sexual intimacy they become one. Meaning, there is a physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual exchange that takes place between the two. The main question that arises then is: if in every relationship one keeps bartering who they are in sexual intimacy, what is to be left of them to give to their spouse by the time they get to marriage? The various sexual ‘exchanges’ with different partners can be said to be the reason why most people remain tied emotionally and psychologically to their exes, past relationships and experiences even when they have “moved on”. It is because of the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual exchange that took place in past sexual encounters. Most marriages are left unfulfilled and lacking; since most of the intimacy a person has to give is exhausted prior.

1 Corinthians 6:16 warns “Or do you not know and realize that when a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her?...” This can loosely be translated as: what the person is, you become whether good or bad. So if you join with a prostitute, you automatically become one (Yep the word said it, I didn’t). If you join with a loose men or woman no matter how conserved you may have been, you will involuntarily become loose too. Some people are living in promiscuity not because they want to but because of the people they previously joined with (had sexual encounters with). The promiscuity of those men or women was transferred into their being – thus becoming one with them. It is also a matter of character, behaviour, personality, emotional state, thought process etc. Who a person is in character, behaviour, personality, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually; when you join with them sexually you too become - whether good or bad. In a culture where it is propagated that we go out there and get all the experience we can get from sexual encounters in recreational relationships; how many personalities, characters, behaviours, emotional traumas, conflicting emotions etc. is one absorbing into their being - noting that one is also leaving bits and pieces of who they are in one relationship and the next. Quite scary when you come to think about it. Every time you have a sexual encounter with a person, a part of you gets left behind and you are merely compensated with that of the person’s - whom by the way you will not even spend the rest of your life with (what a waste).

This is why God reproves of sexual intimacy outside marriage because He understands the damaging consequences of it that are not easily seen with the eye. It is not because God doesn’t want us to have fun or it is because He is a controlling God that reprimands us for everything. I mean why would He create something He would not want us to enjoy? He wants us to enjoy it within the SAFE boundaries of marriage that will offer one the security, love and support they need. With all that has been said, it does not mean that if it has happened that one has engaged in sexual encounters before then there is no hope for them, No! The blood of Jesus washes away every sin, renews and restores therefore there is no need for one to feel condemned.  Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus…” This article is not meant to judge but to simply warn about the dangers of engaging in sexual intimacy before marriage and to point out that celibacy is not just a voluntary state to refrain from sex because the Bible demands so, but it is to protect us from mistakes that ultimately perpetuate marriage malfunctions.

Celibacy (refraining from any form of sexual gratification till marriage) is not just a way of running away from sexual lusts and pleasures but it is also a way of protecting our future marriages. The more whole you are, the better you can commit to your spouse and the better they can commit to you too. You will not have to gash through the clutter of all the experiences you would have accumulated from past relationships to offer to your spouse what they need to feel loved and secure in the marriage. You save yourself not just for you and future spouse but you save yourself to save your future marriage.

Much love, be blessed.

Get up & Fight!

You know, there has been a misconception that has led people especially Christians into believing that once you get born-again automatically life happens at your pace and everything you need, hope, and want is at your fingertips by just a little prayer. We get into this walk believing that anything from then should be nothing but smooth sailing with a few bumpy rides which of course the Lord will quickly fix as soon as we cry out to the heavens. I mean after all, we do have beautiful verses like John 14:14 which promise that “Whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.”

This kind of mentality has not only robbed us of God’s blessings but has weakened our ability to believe and trust God in situations that may seem impossible – unable to endure any hardships that we may encounter along the way. Usually this kind of thinking is subliminally accompanied by withdrawal and unspoken words of anger, blame, discontentment towards God when the desired result is not achieved or life does not unfold the way we expect.

My mother shared a powerful scripture with me the other day, which actually inspired today’s topic. I was going through my own fair share of distress but when she shared this word it was like a burden being lifted off my shoulder. Deuteronomy 2:24 reads, “Rise up, take your journey, and pass over the Valley of the Armon. Behold I have given into your hand Sihon the Amorite, king of Heshbon, and his land; begin to possess it and contend with him in battle.” (This was God speaking to the children of Israel.) What we see in this verse is that: 1. God is calling the children of Israel to rise up, 2. God is calling the children of Israel to take their journey, 3. God has already given the children of Israel victory over their enemy, 4. God expects the children of Israel to fight, contend with their enemy and possess the land. Sounds like a lot of work doesn’t it? Couldn’t the children of Israel just pray to God asking Him to fight the Amorites on their behalf and only feature when it was time to gather the spoils? I mean God is all powerful; He could do that – send His Angels to smite the Amorites, finish them off without the Israelites having to do anything. But He did not.

What can be learned in this experience relating it to now – our everyday living, are fundamental principles in keeping the faith and keeping strong in the mist of turmoil, distress, challenges etc. Firstly, we are called to rise up. Meaning that on a day to day basis we have to live from a place of victory. A place from which we are intentional about what God has called us to be and where He has called us to be. Secondly, we are called to take up our journey. This signifying that we’re individually and corporately called to a journey; and this journey is living the life of obedience and sacrifice before God. Thirdly, God has already given us victory and has sufficiently provided for our needs. Fourthly (which is last) God has given us a mandate to fight, fight and contend with the enemy for our already guaranteed victory to possess what rightfully belongs to us.

“Fight and contend with the enemy to possess your land” is what I want to delve into. Doesn’t this contradict the mentality of “every battle has been won so I need not fight; I just receive from the Lord?” Which is what we normally do; sit and wait, praying for God to move on our behalf. And when we don’t see Him moving, we throw tantrums all over the place; “Why me?” “Lord but I prayed” “What did I do wrong?” From the scripture, it is deduced that to possess what God has for us and His blessings for us; we have to fight. We have to fight circumstances, situations, backgrounds, curses, negative words spoken over our lives, wrong thinking, principalities, powers, rulers of darkness of this world, spiritual wickedness in high places [Ephesians 6:12] that may be working as an enemy against God’s blessings and promises for us. Paul says in 1Timothy 6:12 “Fight the good fight…” and in 2Timothy 4:7 he relates, “I have fought a good fight…” Fight! Fight! Fight! We are in a relentless battle, but the good thing about the battle is that victory is guaranteed! That is what God meant to the Israelites when He said I have given into your hand Sihon, the Amorite and his land… He simply meant, you have already won this battle, but you still have to fight it - go with victory in mind.

The same applies to us. Christ has overcome; for us to be set free from all chains, embargos, hurdles, etc. but we still need to fight the good fight in order for us to possess our land/blessings. So whatever that you may be trusting God for, know that God has already given to you – it is there, You just have to FIGHT for it. By having to fight, it means there is resistance and opposition which may manifest itself as rejection, loss, failure, delay or denial. Now, the key in fighting is not necessarily the technique itself but it is persistence which is translated in the bible as perseverance. James 1:2-4 states, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” This fight requires perseverance in order for you to come out victorious. & truth is, as you fight; the failure, delay, loss, rejection or denial standing as opposition will wound you - that is guaranteed, but in the mist of, let perseverance take cause. PERSEVERE AND FIGHT TILL YOU SEE THE VICTORY!

If only we looked at life in this way, as a battle that has been won for us by Christ, which requires us to take our position as the armies of the Kingdom of heaven and fight to possess our blessings - then we would live more victoriously. Yes, we will be disappointed, hurt, wounded by the arrows being shot by the opposition (the devil & revolting life encounters) but we are designed to get back up and fight like soldiers who know and understand that victory is guaranteed. Fight in prayer, fight in speaking life over your situation, fight in taking steps of faith toward what you are trusting God for – do not just sit there and whine before God. Soldiers do not whine; they fight! Fight for your purpose, destiny, job, progress, family, wife, husband, marriage, academic pursuits, that university degree etc. God has already given it to you.

Rise up, take on your journey and fight the Amorites to possess your land; for God has already given Sihon over to you!!!

Much love, be blessed.

Don’t worry about finding the right man; concentrate on becoming the right woman.

 

1. He should be tall, dark & handsome, 2. A doctor 3. Drive a jeep, 4. Live in the suburbs, 5. Money should be his second language, 6. Must be charming, 7. Romantic, 8… the list is endless. This is the infamous list women are normally condemned for making reference to when looking for a husband. Some say it is overambitious, some attest to its impracticality and some do not believe in it. It has caused quite a stir in the ‘dating world’, women being accused of having unrealistic expectations for men which is said to contribute as one of the reasons why women may find themselves single.

Is it wrong though to have expectations? I most certainly do not think so. We have expectations all the time which can be translated as goals, aspirations, dreams, values and principles we live by and achieve each day. So why the fuss about expectations a woman should have for a man she hopes to marry one day? Are they really overambitious, unrealistic and impractical? In our modern day career language, we understand that in order to be considered for a particular position at work; one has to meet certain requirements or criterion. There are certain skills and attributes that the job usually requires which align with the nature of the job. And the higher the rank of job position, the more intense the expectations will be. As it is with job requirements and specifics for a particular position, so it is with husband criterion.

 

1 Timothy 3:1-7 stipulates, “Now a bishop (superintendent, overseer) must give no grounds for accusation but must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, circumspect and temperate and self-controlled; [he must be] sensible and well behaved and dignified and lead an orderly (disciplined) life [he must be] hospitable [showing love for and being a friend to the believers, especially strangers or foreigners, and be a capable and qualified teacher]. Not given to wine, not combative but gentle and considerate, not quarrelsome but forbearing and peaceful and not a lover of money [insatiable for wealth and ready to obtain it by questionable means]. He must rule his own household well, keeping his children under control, with true dignity, commanding their respect in every way and keeping them respectful. For if a man does not know how to rule his own household, how is he to take care of the church of God? He must not be a new convert, or he may [develop a beclouded and stupid state of mind] as a result of pride [be blinded by conceit, and] fall into condemnation that the devil [once] did. Furthermore, he must have a good reputation and be well thought of by those outside [the church], lest he become involved in slander and incur reproach and fall into the devil’s trap.” Even God has a criterion for the kind of man that is to become an overseer of a church. Not just anybody can take on the position but one with the specific qualities stated above. Now, if God has standards, doesn’t that mean we also ought to have them - according to his standards of course? It does, but the mistake we often make is: applying worldly standards (which are often driven by egocentrism) to fill in godly responsibilities - using worldly criterion for God-inspired duties which can only be rightly accomplished by using Godly measure. Becoming a husband is a God-inspired responsibility which can only be rightfully owned or taken by imploring godly criterion.

 

With that being said, having a list is not the issue – it is what is on the list that is the issue. 1Timothy 3:1-7 (the scripture quoted above) is a good example of what to look for in a husband, though it may be addressing overseers of a church it also applies to husbands as they are overseers of their households. Ok, so now you have your expectations in place then what? Go hunting for the man & do the check list? NO. What do you do then? Live, and love life? Yes. But most importantly WORK ON YOURSELF! Having expectations that you yourself cannot meet is rather cumbersome and selfish. Why does the other person have to be a 90% if you’re a 50% and not even making an effort to gain the 40% to become a 90%? What you expect, you should become first. Sometimes we get too caught up in, “I want a husband like this,” “who will do this for me,” “who would have achieved this,” forgetting that we too have a mandate to become the women that will meet the criterion of a wife that God has set for men in His word. God has set standards way beyond physical appearance and outside beauty (which is what we normally invest in most of the time). Like I have mentioned before, looking good is great, I love it too – it is one of a woman’s strong capabilities to express who she is but what is on the outside should match the inside because what is on the inside is a true expression of who you really are.

 

Proverbs 31:10-31 woman we all know. But how many of us are working towards becoming her? I would love to quote the scripture word for word but I will just highlight the virtues and characteristics I have gleaned from the passage. A proverbs 31 woman is wise, dependable, hard-working, takes initiative, kind, compassionate, trustworthy, bold, an investor, business-oriented, hands on, courageous, a co-leader and most importantly fears the Lord. These are not just adjectives to describe the ideal woman but they are certified actions; actions that show wisdom, kindness, compassion, boldness, business-mindedness etc. Quoting from some of the verses: She works with her hands in delight, she brings her food from afar, she rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens, she considers a field and buys it, her lamp does not go out at night, she extends her hand to the poor, she makes linen garments and sells them… I mean this woman sounds like superwoman. But that is the kind of woman God has called every woman to become.

 

The beautiful thing is: as you concentrate on becoming the right woman for the right man, the right man will notice the rightness you are aspiring towards achieving. It is of course not by ones’ might, power nor strength but by the spirit of God that one is able to become what God has called them to be - especially in the times we’re living in whereby the principles of the word of God are tainted by worldly standards driven by money, fame, fortune, status, greed, vanity and attachment to mundane things. Focusing on working on yourself does not mean you discard the expectations you have for a husband, it means you have expectations with the understanding that your potential husband will also have expectations. If yours are high understand that the one you’re looking for; his are also high so you best start working on yourself. If you want the best, you have to become the best yourself!

 

So ladies, let’s get on the wagon to becoming “The Next Proverbs 31 Women.” Do not dare be left behind because this wagon is off to the land of 1Timothy 3:1-7 men.

 

Much love, be blessed.