Celibacy… Why wait?

According to a Wikipedia definition, celibacy is the voluntary state of being unmarried, sexually abstinent or both, usually for religious reasons. For this article, we will be considering the latter which states that celibacy is the voluntary state of being sexually abstinent. A state of action that our generation can barely relate with since almost everything in society promotes promiscuity.

Popular consensus says “try it”, relationship columns emphasize its importance in a relationship, relief organizations advocate “do it safe”, ignorance says “do it for the experience” and TV says “if you wait, you earn yourself the title of being the biggest loser.” What used to be regarded as a sacred union which could only be enjoyed within the boundaries of marriage is now considered a tool for trial, manipulation, pleasure and self-affirmation.    

What is usually not known nor said about sexual intimacy outside marriage besides the fact that God condemns it (Yes He does) is that there are other detrimental consequences. To base this on scripture; 1Corinthians 6:9 articulates, “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral (fornicators), nor idolaters…will inherit the kingdom of God.” According to the compact Oxford English dictionary, fornication is having sexual intercourse with someone one is not married to. 1Corinthians 6:18 adds on stipulating that, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexual immoral person sins against his own body.” Now that it is clear that God does condemn sex outside marriage, we can move on to the point I raised in the beginning of the paragraph about the detrimental consequences of having sex outside marriage. If you probably think, I’ll be going through the clichéd pregnancy, STI's then think again – that is for the organizations to do (well not necessarily the organizations, just making a point. We all have the responsibility to educate).   

Mark 10:7-8 states, “For this reason a man shall leave behind his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and cleave closely to her permanently, And the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Key sentences I am looking for; CLEAVE CLOSELY PERMANENTLY and THEY ARE NO LONGER TWO BUT ONE FLESH. When two people join together sexually, cleaving to one another they become one flesh. This means that everything this person is, you become and what you are they become. Ephesians 5:31-32 calls this joining into one a mystery and indeed it is a mystery. Taking this back to conventional relationships; each time two people engage in sexual intimacy they become one. Meaning, there is a physical, psychological, emotional and spiritual exchange that takes place between the two. The main question that arises then is: if in every relationship one keeps bartering who they are in sexual intimacy, what is to be left of them to give to their spouse by the time they get to marriage? The various sexual ‘exchanges’ with different partners can be said to be the reason why most people remain tied emotionally and psychologically to their exes, past relationships and experiences even when they have “moved on”. It is because of the physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual exchange that took place in past sexual encounters. Most marriages are left unfulfilled and lacking; since most of the intimacy a person has to give is exhausted prior.

1 Corinthians 6:16 warns “Or do you not know and realize that when a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her?...” This can loosely be translated as: what the person is, you become whether good or bad. So if you join with a prostitute, you automatically become one (Yep the word said it, I didn’t). If you join with a loose men or woman no matter how conserved you may have been, you will involuntarily become loose too. Some people are living in promiscuity not because they want to but because of the people they previously joined with (had sexual encounters with). The promiscuity of those men or women was transferred into their being – thus becoming one with them. It is also a matter of character, behaviour, personality, emotional state, thought process etc. Who a person is in character, behaviour, personality, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually; when you join with them sexually you too become - whether good or bad. In a culture where it is propagated that we go out there and get all the experience we can get from sexual encounters in recreational relationships; how many personalities, characters, behaviours, emotional traumas, conflicting emotions etc. is one absorbing into their being - noting that one is also leaving bits and pieces of who they are in one relationship and the next. Quite scary when you come to think about it. Every time you have a sexual encounter with a person, a part of you gets left behind and you are merely compensated with that of the person’s - whom by the way you will not even spend the rest of your life with (what a waste).

This is why God reproves of sexual intimacy outside marriage because He understands the damaging consequences of it that are not easily seen with the eye. It is not because God doesn’t want us to have fun or it is because He is a controlling God that reprimands us for everything. I mean why would He create something He would not want us to enjoy? He wants us to enjoy it within the SAFE boundaries of marriage that will offer one the security, love and support they need. With all that has been said, it does not mean that if it has happened that one has engaged in sexual encounters before then there is no hope for them, No! The blood of Jesus washes away every sin, renews and restores therefore there is no need for one to feel condemned.  Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus…” This article is not meant to judge but to simply warn about the dangers of engaging in sexual intimacy before marriage and to point out that celibacy is not just a voluntary state to refrain from sex because the Bible demands so, but it is to protect us from mistakes that ultimately perpetuate marriage malfunctions.

Celibacy (refraining from any form of sexual gratification till marriage) is not just a way of running away from sexual lusts and pleasures but it is also a way of protecting our future marriages. The more whole you are, the better you can commit to your spouse and the better they can commit to you too. You will not have to gash through the clutter of all the experiences you would have accumulated from past relationships to offer to your spouse what they need to feel loved and secure in the marriage. You save yourself not just for you and future spouse but you save yourself to save your future marriage.

Much love, be blessed.