“I love you, you love me; we’re a happy family,
with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you – won’t you say you love me too.”
Sounds familiar? It should. If you have grown up in the Barney era, then these
lyrics should take you through nostalgic childhood moments of innocence and
cheeriness. Whereby the meaning of love was nothing but genuine, uncomplicated -
bearing zero expectations than what one could already give. It simply meant
being there; be it sharing a sandwich during recess, writing letters to each
other, sending each other postcards during vacation – it was about the little
gestures which may have been little but meaningful because they were sincere (from
the heart).
As one evolves from one stage of life to the next,
so does the idea and meaning of love – it matures along with the expectations that
come with it. What used to be miniature gestures of thoughtfulness remains
relevant but trivial as love seems to demand more in its complexity. What is love then? Is it mere feelings and
emotions, or maybe gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness or an idea to
explain attraction and the desirability to share one’s being with another? Honestly, if I were personally asked to
define what love is I wouldn’t know where to begin; not because I would be well
vested in its knowledge but because the definition in itself is puzzling and
inexplicable. All I know is: love is
precipitated by feelings or emotions that propel a kind of action in which a
person has a choice to be patient, kind, not envious, humble, polite, selfless,
slow to anger, to do good, to protect, to trust and to rejoice in the truth.
Beyond that, it is worth researching.
The other day, whilst watching Television I
happened to land on the Vuzu channel and ‘The Carrie Diaries’ series was on.
Just a bit on what was going on; Carrie has a boyfriend Sebastian who
recently professed his love, saying the L word “I love you” (yes, the big L
word guys are unbearably stingy with these days). They are both ‘in love’ with
each other but keep having arguments that cause an on & off stir in their
relationship. They then sort of break-up and in frustration Sebastian finds solace
in Carrie’s friend (sorry about the synopsis but there is a point I need to
make). It was in this very moment I started questioning what loving a person really
means. How can a person profess to be madly in love with you one moment and the
next, he’s out with another person. Yes, you may argue that in this case they
had broken up but what about those cases where it’s not a matter of separation,
just plain infidelity. And ok, even if it is a matter of separation, how can it
be that easy for a person to move on in a short while. Was it really love then?
As I thought about this, I began to understand important principles in
scripture that love is founded upon. These biblical principles are:
1) Commitment. Commitment means giving up time and putting effort
into showing a person that you care about them and their wellbeing. Some people
mistake commitment for money, thinking that money can pay for their physical
and emotional unavailability, yet this is not so. In Genesis, Jacob worked 14
years for him to marry Rachel. Genesis 29:20 says, “So Jacob served seven years to
get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for
her.” Now, this is love! That is commitment right there. Jacob did not
have money to buy Rachel expensive jewels or gifts to prove his love for her
(which is what most guys do nowadays thinking that that is what will make a
woman happy) but he instead gave his time – himself. Do not get me wrong; getting spoiled every now and then is a good thing but monetary and material provision should not be a substitute for emotional unavailability. Jacob could
have decided to quit along the way, seeing that 7 years (plus another unanticipated 7) was demanding but, he
kept at it. He was committed to loving Rachel. In a nutshell, love is
consistent; it does not change. Just because there are minor disagreements or major
ones, just because we hurt each other now and again, just because we say things
we don’t necessarily mean sometimes that does not mean love ceases. It is
committed and continues to love. It is patient.
2) Sacrifice. To love a person means to give out your best for
their fulfilment, sanctity, comfort, liberation and joy. John 3:16 (which we
all know) establishes that God so loved the world that He gave His only son for
the redemption of mankind. Romans 3:25 deduces that “God presented him as a sacrifice
of atonement…” Love gives and
sometimes it requires one to sacrifice their needs and wants for the wellbeing
of another. 1 John 3:16 states, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus
Christ laid down his life for us. As we ought to lay down our lives for our
brothers.” Not an easy thing to do because one’s instinct is to
think of self, first. But by the grace of God, it is possible to do.
3) Loyalty. The most important of them all, loyalty – which I myself value so much.
Love is about being loyal. Loyalty according to the Oxford definition is,
“being true and faithful or a bond that makes a person faithful to something or
someone.” Basically it means pledging allegiance to something or someone. Matthew
16:24 expresses, “Then Jesus said to his
disciples, If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his
cross and follow me.” This is to
show that love is about vowing to be true, letting go of any other thing to
focus on this one thing that you have chosen, and in this scripture – it is
about being true in living the life of Christianity. If we profess to loving
Christ then it means letting go of every other thing we used to gratify our
sinful nature and bring it under the subjection of Christ. In the case of
loving someone else, it means staying true to them and the relationship. Being
faithful through the fights, misunderstandings, temptations, and strains that
may arise in the process. Denying any avenues that may be loopholes for betrayal.
People can interpret love to be different things;
emotions, feelings, affection, a heartbeat, passion, but if there is something
that I could say about loving a person is that: it is making a
choice to commit, to lay down your life on a daily basis to serve and to remain
true and faithful no matter what the cost. So, before you go all crazy about
how much you’re in love, think about whether you have really loved this person
enough to commit, sacrifice and remain loyal in the relationship.
Much love; be blessed.
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