The Silent Catfight

When someone screams “catfight” we know some sisters are probably pulling each other’s hair, rasping on each other with their long finger nails and going all cannibalistic on each other. (Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I am talking about) It’s either you have been there before especially with the siblings or have witnessed it at school, a restaurant or town – yes town; some ladies be fabulous like that.

Maybe you’re thinking “when is the last time I witnessed one of those?” Well, I am also trying to reinstate any memory of a kind but none comes to mind except the ones on boring old soapies. Nonetheless it does not mean catfights do not exist anymore. Actually, instead of physical catfights, we now have what I will call ‘the Silent Catfight.’ A silent catfight is fighting a person without them knowing that you are fighting them. Sounds unfair I know, but we do it every day.

Just how exactly do we do that…? (Issues of the heart my friend, issues of the heart) We pull each other down with our words, tear each other to bits with our eyes of envy, strip each other off with hearts of jealousy and ridicule one another with an attitude of ‘I could do it better’, ‘say it better’ or ‘wear it better’. Mark 7:21-23 says “For from within [that is] out of the hearts of men, come base and wicked thoughts… an evil eye [envy], slander [evil speaking, malicious representation, abusiveness], pride [the sin of an uplifted heart against God and man…]” Our hearts become a breeding ground for such thoughts and attitudes against our very own sisters whom the Lord has blessed us with.

A silent catfight is therefore envying your sister, being jealous of them or speaking abysmally about who they are. You are fighting them in your heart with your envy, jealousy and slander without them knowing it. And sometimes it is not even about really saying negative things but the thought of “I wish I had what she has” “What is so special about her to have all that” “I also want what she has” is a sign of envy. I am not saying you should not be motivated by other people’s lives, hard work, fulfilment of dreams but what I am saying is: examine your motive for wanting what they have. We are all guilty of ‘silent catfighting’, but that should not be an excuse to live there and find solace in it because no one can see it. God has called us to love, love one another. Sounds easier said than done, we preach it every day but somehow we have a hard time living from it; it is more of head knowledge than a practical imperative. Love has to be genuine. 1 Corinthians 13:4 states “…love is never envious nor boils over with jealousy…”If I envy my sister, slander her or wish I had what she has, then I am not expressing the love that Christ has called me to freely give which I have freely received by His grace; for this kind of love in not envious nor boils over with jealousy.

These are the things that we need to challenge ourselves on in order for our lives to glorify God in every way. We cannot speak salvation and not live it. 1 Peter 2:1 says “So be done with every trace of wickedness (depravity, malignity) and all deceit and insincerity(pretense, hypocrisy) and grudges (envy, jealousy) and slanderand evil speaking of every kind.” And since this is a matter of the heart, it cannot be dealt with by a change of attitude, behaviour or deeds but it can be dealt with by a change of heart. A change of heart is found in Psalms 51:10,“Create in me a clean/pure heart O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me.” This verse has been my secret to a consistent renewal and change of heart; “Create in me a clean O God!” When I feel like I am allowing wicked thoughts to proceed out of my heart, I quickly run to this verse and cry out to the Almighty. When I feel like thoughts of envy or jealousy are creeping in on me, I turn to this scripture for defence. No one is perfect; we all are fighting the good fight of faith but our renewal is dependent on us accepting and acknowledging that we fall short. And not just stopping there but going before the throne of the Almighty and asking for help. 2 Corinthians 12:9 notes “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” The Lord’s power is made perfect in our weaknesses; meaning it is ok opening up about your weaknesses before the Lord, it is ok telling the Lord exactly how you feel; be it envy, jealousy, anger etc. The apostle Paul in the same verse says,“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

Sisters, let us love one another, appreciate one another, uplift one another, celebrate each other and take joy in each other’s blessings, accomplishments or successes. Let us not catfight each other but let us come together and live out the truth of the gospel of Christ so that He may be glorified in us and through us. You are all special, beautiful, unique, blessed and capable of achieving the best therefore there is no need of envying the woman next to you. YOU already have what it takes to be the BEST YOU that no one else can ever be (best believe that).

Much love, be blessed.

 

  

  

 

Embracing sexuality? Challenging stereotypes

My article for this week is based on an observation that has sparked what I will call “the woman anger” in me and unfortunately there is no one to neither take it out on nor blame it on. Probably some people may differ with what I want to share but nonetheless I will share it.

A couple of days back I happened to change channels and I came across one of Beyoncé’s new videos; I don’t know what the title of the song is otherwise I would name & shame it. Out of curiosity I stopped to watch but all I can say is the first 20 seconds were too much and I quickly changed channels in dismay. From what I gathered in a couple of articles, she is said to be embracing her sexuality on her latest album. Obviously by embracing her sexuality it means posing almost naked throughout her songs, singing perverse lyrics and dancing sensually. Which I really have a problem with because I fail to understand why?

In typical man music videos, you always (without a doubt) find women wearing skimpy outfits dancing all over the show looking like hoochies but in staggering contradiction the content of the songs usually express loving a woman or showing her love. What do skimpy dressed - half naked women have to do with love? This goes to show how love and lust have become blurred over time and in the process, the value of what being a woman means has depreciated to that of a sex symbol. It is quite pathetic and sad at the same time. And what is even sadder; it is that we women embrace such negative stereotypes. We think it is ok when Nickie Minaj shows half her butt on screen; it is ok when Rihanna sings explicit sexual lyrics and it is ok when Beyonce dangles naked in her videos. (I know there is probably worse but I am just using these as an example) What we often fail to ask is: why do we feel the need to walk half naked, dance seductively and “embrace sexuality”?

This is because we are consciously and subconsciously led to believe that walking around half naked, being sexually forward, letting loose will make us feel needed and wanted, particularly by men - which is what we are continuously being fed by the media. What we fail to realize though is that in settling for such stereotypes not only are we selling out our woman dignity and honour but we are giving men leeway to view us from a place of lust and disregard instead of one of love and respect.  One thing that we need to understand is that we have been called to honour God with our bodies and not men, but somehow this truth seems to have been twisted the other way round to being “Our bodies are for men.” We do not consciously say this - outright but our actions imply it. 1 Corinthians 6:20 says “You were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.” This means that as a woman you respect your body, you cover your body and you love your body to honour God. Romans 12:1 states “Therefore I urge you brethren, in view of God’s mercy to offer your bodies as living ssacrifices holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.”

My argument in this article is that how can we women willingly engage in means that demean our own value? That fact that a woman can willingly dance seductively half naked in a music video means that she is for the idea of misuse. If we ask two important questions relating to the reasons why and for whom, it pinpoints to men – it is for men. Yes, you may be thinking “it is just music videos” “they are just making money” but problem is: this is the persona given to women at a large scale; it becomes a general representation of what a woman is supposed to look like and act like. And it is of detrimental effect because the next generation of women will grow up thinking that that is what being a woman means. I am speaking as a concerned woman and I am asking myself if this is what we have come to accept women to represent in our society; sex symbols? (Every other aspect of a woman being overshadowed) How many songs (for example) talk about woman intelligence, wit, strength, love, modesty, achievements etc.? Exactly my point, there are a few. Don't get me wrong my focus is not on music; I am using music as a basis for the general consensus in our society with relation to women and how women are viewed.   

What is to be done? By me writing this article I hope to have challenged each one of you to say it is not ok for us to be misrepresented and portrayed as sex symbols (that is if you do agree with the stated point of view). God created women to be a representation of honour, beauty, respect, His glory, modesty, strength and nobility. And this is what we should stand for in everything we do. Anything that is contrary demeans the purpose of God for women. What you do about this goes a long way and it determines what kind of generation you will raise. This does not mean go to the streets and start shouting that you are against women being projected as sex symbols but your change of attitude towards stimuli or subtle suggestions of such; will be the change that is needed to eradicate such negative stereotypes.

  

 

Back to basics: Faith.

“Now Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” Hebrews 11:1. Faith is one subject that believers are well aware of and profess to live by everyday but there is something about faith that I personally grapple with. I have come to the realization that I need to rekindle my understanding of faith and what it means to live by faith - all over again. Maybe some of you reading this are thinking “how can you not know what faith and living by faith means?” If you have figured it out, we praise God for the revelation but if you are like me trying to grasp the intensity of the expectations & requirements of having faith then you’re at the right place.

I am currently reading a book by Derek Prince titled “Faith to live by” and in reading the first five pages, my thought process took a different turn and somehow I felt uplifted. In that very moment, I thought to myself “I have forgotten what faith is all about haven’t I.” Trust me; it’s easy to say you have all the faith in the world until you face a situation that will require you to have all the faith you can need to get through that situation. I’m sure the Hebrews 11:1 scripture is like a chorus to most of us; we quote it, we speak it and we sing it. But when we have to literally exercise faith, we forget. We play the blame game with God, which sometimes we don’t do on purpose – you just find your thoughts wailing away towards self-pity and towards 101 questions of “but Father (God) you have all the power, you can change the situation now, you can get me this & that now but why aren’t you doing so?” You’re lucky if you get an answer to that, instead the Holy Spirit gently reprimands you after you have thrown “silent” tantrums all over the place (in your heart).

Personally, there are things that I have prayed for and asked God for but have not yet seen come to pass. I mean doesn’t the word of God say in John 14:13-14 that “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.” Then, what happens when I don’t get what I have asked for? Does this mean God varies in His word or He changes His mind sometimes? Certainly not! Numbers 23:19 says “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and he will not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfil it?” But what is the problem then? Since God proves to keep to his part of the bargain…

Mark 11:22-24 says “Truly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” Key words: does not doubt in his heart and believes. With most of us, sometimes we find ourselves in situations whereby we confess with our mouth that we believe God will fulfil His promises but deep down in our hearts we’re questioning whether God is hearing our prayers, whether we are good enough to receive what we are asking for, whether we are able to do all things through Christ, whether we deserve God’s blessings and whether God will really come through for us. This kind of subtle reaction is simply doubting; even though we are confessing with our mouth to believe. James 1:6 states, “But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man…” When we give room for the slightest doubt in our hearts, we automatically disqualify ourselves from receiving what we're asking for from the Lord. Maybe you’re thinking, “When I pray and ask God I truly believe - 100%, leaving no room for doubt but some of my prayers still go unanswered.” Have you checked your motive behind what you are asking for? James 4:3 says, “When you ask you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives…” This scripture challenges the intention behind the things we ask for from God (self-introspection moment). Truth is, half the things if not most of the things we ask for from God are either for selfish gain or to feed our egos and that is the reason why sometimes God does not grant us our requests.

It is not every time where we doubt and probably have wrongs motives when praying and asking God for something, sometimes we are authentic & full of confidence in God to come through for us but we find ourselves faced with some kind of silence from God. James 1:2-3, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” God uses trials to test our faith; to test how much we believe in Him. Like I mentioned this at the beginning of the article, it is easy to say you have all the faith in the world until you have to exercise it in real situations. 1 Peter 1:7 echoes James 1:2-3 saying, “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” Trials test the genuineness of your faith; God’s ‘silence’ tests your faith to develop perseverance.

Time and again, unfortunately, we find ourselves focusing on the mountains that have to move instead of having the assurance and conviction that they will move, not matter how long it takes. Maybe I have missed some things from God because I did not believe, maybe I did not receive some things because of my insincere – selfish motives and maybe I have not yet received those things because the genuineness of my faith is tested that it may produce perseverance but in all of this, I have one responsibility: to continue to believe - in God, His word and promises & so do you... “Have faith!”, Jesus said.