Men have it easy these days.

“Oh damn the club bout to close in a minute, can I get your number baby so you and I can go get in it. Let me come and pick you up oh and go take you out, oh, can I get your number baby so I can show you what I’m all about…” Remember this song by Mariah Carey and Jermaine Dupri “Get your number”? Had a catchy beat to it – one of those songs that would get you on your feet. Anyway enough about the song, let’s look at the lyrics… From the lyrics, one can ascertain that the possibility of a romance kindling in this scenario is dependent on the guy getting the girl’s number. It seems as though once he gets the number, half the job is done really.

Things have changed so much from the time our parents, grandparents and great grandparents pursued romance. In those days there were no cell phones, let alone landlines. The most efficient means to communicate were telegrams, if not telegrams, personal communication (more of face to face). If a man so wished to see a woman, he would have to linger around her home to wait for her to come out of the house if she happens to be sent by parents to fetch water or fire wood or initially, wait by the river (which was the most popular meeting spot those days) what we would have today as cinemas, restaurants or clubs (as the lyrics suggest). A young woman, then, if a man was declaring his love; would take ages to reply – it would be months and sometimes years before she could say yes. Maybe probably then it’s because the declaration of a man’s love was binding; more of a marriage proposal - which is probably why both men and women took it seriously. The men put in all the effort to show their love and prove their commitment whilst the women took time to think, process and come to terms with the responsibility that lay ahead if they agreed.

Awww but these days… Guy meets girl, asks for number and gets it that very second of enquiry. Calls that evening to confirm the number, and the next day, ok probably for a week (just to play off as being committed) then soon adds her on Whatsapp, and that’s pretty much how the story goes. Just like that! Everything else happens on Whatsapp; the asking out, the dating, the dumping etc. Sounds way way easier, more modified than the way our old folks had to go about it right? I am sure most guys are like, “Thank God, we don’t have to go through that anymore.” We do appreciate the efficiency of digital technology and social networking which affords instant communication with a virtual experience but in as much as it has afforded us such opportunities; it has also taken away certain virtues.

Genesis 29: is the story of Jacob falling in love with one of Laban’s daughters – Rachel. Genesis 29:18 reads, “Jacob was so in love with Rachel and said, I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.” Verse 20 states, “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.” In the end, Jacob actually served fourteen years for Rachel. Yes, 14 years for a woman! He must have really loved her. How many men today can actually pursue a woman for that long? Very few I presume. There are important issues that I want to highlight from this story about a love relationship between a man and a woman according to the Bible.

1)             When a man loves a woman, he ought to serve for her. Jacob served Laban 14 years for him to get permission to marry Rachel. And the lesson here is: a man has to have a serving heart to rightfully earn a woman’s hand in marriage. As Jacob laboured before Laban, so do men have the responsibility to labour before God for His daughters. They have to prove before the Lord that they are honourable enough to marry His daughters. This means giving up their pride, ego and selfish needs. Ephesians 5:25 poses, “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her…” This is deep and quite a huge responsibility. How will a man give himself up for his wife if he couldn’t do so prior?

2)             There has to be parental consent. I remember listening to Paul Washer a while back about doing relationships the biblical way and thinking, “Is this man serious?” He challenged me to the core and anyone else who listens to his sermons will tell you the same. If a man loves a woman and wants to pursue a relationship with her; he has to go via her parents or guardian. Sounds CRAZY I know. I mean what happened to getting a girl’s number, hitting on her (ok, not hitting for the brothers but showing interest and eventually professing his love) a girl reciprocating that love, deciding on getting married, and then involving the parents? Well, according to the bible, the guy does not get the number. He goes to the parents first, asks for permission to see daughter with intention to marry, gets the permission then gets the number. (I am sure some of you are shaking your heads right now) Obviously it does not necessarily happen in that sequence (getting the number - just making a point) but you get the idea: guy gets permission from parents first to date daughter with the intention to marry her. Not the business of dating first then telling the parents afterwards. Why? It protects you from unnecessary heartbreak. If a guy is not really serious about you, the moment you mention parents; that will be his cue to leave. He will skid off the opposite direction.

3)             When a man loves a woman, no matter how long he has to wait; he will wait. Whether he is waiting for her before the Lord or has to ask for permission from her parents or she is still praying about it, when he really loves her - a few years will only be a few days to him. He will have the patience to wait for her, to labour for her and to prove his worth before God or her parents. 

Unfortunately, men have it easy these days. They do not feel the need to work hard for a woman’s affection and love since women do the working. The world culture today; teaches women to consistently live under the pressure of always having to prove one’s self even in relationships. The woman has to put in all the energy to prove she is the ‘marrying type’ for the brother to budge whilst on the contrary, the bible shows that men are the one’s to prove their worth for a woman’s hand in marriage. Men no longer have to seek for parent’s permission to date a woman, if they can easily get her number and pursue her. The thought of waiting forever for a woman is just a daunting one, let alone probably a time-consuming one; why wait – if there are dozens of fish in the sea right?

The principles stated above may seem rather ridiculous and outdated but I must say that they are very much beneficial as they teach men to better serve their wives, homes & families, they teach men to respect women & honour them, and they teach men to love. Love is not about having options but it is a pursuit to selflessly serve one woman. In favour of the women, these principles help to determine how serious a man is about committing to loving you and having you as his wife. Imagine the assurance Rachel had of Jacob’s love after he laboured 14 years in her father’s house for her. A man who is truly committed to loving you will take on the responsibility of serving for you, risk the nerve wrecking; death sentence of meeting the parents at the very beginning and patiently embrace the time it may take to have you. The man who finds it hard and labouring to do this is simply proving that he is not man enough for you and cannot be trusted to lead your life. If he happens to walk away, do not feel bad; he is not the one for you. God will bring a Jacob.

The message behind this piece; is to say, let us consider such biblical principles on how to go about doing relationships. This is not to punish men and slave labour them but it is to encourage biblical foundations that will reinstate values which will build, uplift and protect our marriages. Strong foundations birth strong marriages, doing things right always attracts God’s immeasurable blessings.

Much love, be blessed.