Broken, battered, disassembled, in pieces... You can be fixed.

Jehovah God I reveal my confused heart, unlock this firm and well-built guard. Step into this selfishness and prideful place, and clean this broken heart with different parts in many places. Jehovah God, I’m gonna be still, to avoid the broken parts that cut and scar; so one by one pick up the parts that are none like you God – one by one.  These are lyrics from a song by Markevius Faulkner titled Jehovah God (One by One) that captured my heart this week. I had this song on repeat almost the whole day, the other day – just going through the emotions and silently crying unto the Lord. Silently crying? An oxymoron I know, but it happens. It’s when your heart and spirit weep without the melancholic sound of your voice and actual tears slopping down your cheeks.

You are probably questioning the reason behind my sombre state or rather what happened for me to feel like that; to be going through the emotions. Well, nothing really. It was simply a call to repentance; to reflect on the state of my heart. Whereby, one has to consciously let down their guard, all their worries that have consumed them, the burdens, the past hurts, disappointments that are locked down in one’s heart, the resentment, the failures, one’s weaknesses, the anger and bitterness; acknowledging that they are there (in one’s heart) and letting them go by bringing them before Christ (to deal with them) - for the benefit of changing, growing and maturing to be a better person.

The problem with us Christians today is that we pretend to be ok. We pretend to have it all together when we actually don’t. Pride has us thinking that just because we are new creatures in Christ and old things have passed away, we do not have to deal with our sinful nature on a day to day basis. Matthew 15:19 says, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts (reasonings and disputings and designs…)” The implication of this scripture is that from any heart evil thoughts emanate. Whether you are Christian or not, saved or unsaved; evil thoughts will come out of your heart. And the only way to overcome (since we have been called to a life of purity and holiness) is to 1) Admit that our hearts conceive evil thoughts, 2) Surrender and confess these thoughts before Christ and 3) Ask Him for divine transformation and renewal.

Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that purity and holiness are within the boundaries of physical activities, for example, “As long as I don’t imbibe (drink)…” “As long as I don’t sleep around…” “As long as I go to church and do all the right things…” “As long as I am good person…” Then I am ok, I am saved, I am pure. But is your heart pure? What is in your heart right now? Perhaps you still can’t forgive your father for never being there, or your siblings and family members for their non-stop politics, or your colleagues for being difficult or your high school teacher who said you were dumb or your uncle who swore you would be nothing.  Perhaps you are still bitter about that gentleman or lady who broke your heart and left you picking up the pieces. Perhaps you are still caught up on your past failures; you keep beating yourself up for things that you never got right. Perhaps you can’t stop lusting after the brother in church or that sister in choir… What is in your heart?

We have mastered the art of pretence to the extent that we have built up “I am doing just fine” walls around us. We can’t even open up to each other about our struggles (which are there) because we want everybody to believe we don’t struggle with anything. And this is a lie! Each person has some kind of thorn in their flesh just like Paul testified of his in 2Corinthians 12:7-9. He said, “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast more gladly in my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” In as much as he does not mention what this thorn is, he does admit to having it and he does admit to it being a weakness.  Thorns differ; it may be of gluttony, selfishness, pride, lust, vanity, anger, unforgiveness, brokenness, resentment and bitterness (just to mention a few). What we need to realize is: when we refuse to deal with these thorns/weaknesses in our lives; we refuse to grow and we refuse the manifestation of Christ’s power to deliver us – to reveal His grace and mercy anew to us. In this Christian walk, we need to understand that:

1)         Christian living is about being renewed every day. Just because we have been born again, it does not mean we are not subject to wrong thinking and doing. Everyday we have a choice to deny ourselves - our flesh; to deny getting angry, to deny being haughty, to deny being unforgiving, to deny holding grudges, to deny being lustful, to deny being vain in what we say, do or think. It is not only about what you do but what you think too (I may be smiling outwardly but be cursing inside). It is more about the state of your heart than your actions.  Proverbs 21:2 states, “All a man’s ways seem right to him but the Lord weighs the heart.”  The Lord looks at the heart. So if your heart is not right, whatever you do in this wicked state of heart will not be right before Him - no matter how good it may look before men. And truth is; none of us can claim our hearts to be right lest we go before God in prayer and in repentance – on a daily basis.

2)        Acknowledge your weaknesses and bring them before the Lord. Our “I am doing just fine” barbed-wired walls have not only closed us off from being vulnerable amongst our brethren but have closed us off from God too. We carry a self-righteous attitude before God, refusing to acknowledge our inadequacies. Instead of crying out before God and asking for help (Paul being a good example) we bury our weaknesses, sorrows, pains, disappointments deep within our hearts thinking that that would make them go away. Not knowing that it will only be a matter of time and the cracks will begin to show. A simple remedy: If you are hurting, tell God. If you are angry, tell God. If you don’t understand, tell God. If you are broken, tell God. If you can’t keep your eyes off men or women, tell God. If you can’t stop your bad habits you are well aware separate you from Christ, tell Him. He won’t judge you! He will rescue you. But do not pretend it does not bother you when it does.

 

3)         Let Christ deal with your heart. Most of us are reluctant to opening our hearts because we are afraid of the skeletons we would have to come face to face with. We are afraid of the revelation of who we really are on the inside because we may not like what we have to come to terms with. And yet, this is what Christ wants. He wants us to come to terms with the ugliness of our hearts so that He may renew us and restore us. So that we become real and genuine – so when we love, we love wholeheartedly; when we forgive, we forgive freely without keeping record; when we give; we give cheerfully and when we are kind; we are kind tirelessly without murmuring.

4)         Be real. This means being real with your struggles. Sisters and brothers let us be real with each other. We all have struggles; we all have some kind of unpleasantness about ourselves. This of course does not mean going around and bellowing your nakedness to anybody. If God says you must, so that other people are encouraged through your testimony then the better, do, do so. Do not pretend to have it all together when you don’t. If you can find sisters or brothers that you trust whom you can share your struggles with so they can stand with you in prayer, do so. And if you can’t, go before the Lord and tell it like it is – He is faithful to set us free.  Be transparent with yourself and before God lest you fool yourself and give the Devil ground to torment you with guilt and fear.

 

This walk is not about perfection but it is about constant renewal of one’s being in Christ. It is about surrender and the acknowledgement of one’s shortcomings. In seeing our ugliness, we do not only come to the realization that we need help but are driven to seek being Christ-like so that He whom we belong to (Christ) may be glorified in us and through us. Let Christ fix us brethren.  

Much love; be blessed.

 

   

 

 

 

What does it mean to love?

“I love you, you love me; we’re a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you – won’t you say you love me too.” Sounds familiar? It should. If you have grown up in the Barney era, then these lyrics should take you through nostalgic childhood moments of innocence and cheeriness. Whereby the meaning of love was nothing but genuine, uncomplicated - bearing zero expectations than what one could already give. It simply meant being there; be it sharing a sandwich during recess, writing letters to each other, sending each other postcards during vacation – it was about the little gestures which may have been little but meaningful because they were sincere (from the heart).

As one evolves from one stage of life to the next, so does the idea and meaning of love – it matures along with the expectations that come with it. What used to be miniature gestures of thoughtfulness remains relevant but trivial as love seems to demand more in its complexity.  What is love then? Is it mere feelings and emotions, or maybe gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness or an idea to explain attraction and the desirability to share one’s being with another?  Honestly, if I were personally asked to define what love is I wouldn’t know where to begin; not because I would be well vested in its knowledge but because the definition in itself is puzzling and inexplicable.  All I know is: love is precipitated by feelings or emotions that propel a kind of action in which a person has a choice to be patient, kind, not envious, humble, polite, selfless, slow to anger, to do good, to protect, to trust and to rejoice in the truth. Beyond that, it is worth researching.

The other day, whilst watching Television I happened to land on the Vuzu channel and ‘The Carrie Diaries’ series was on. Just a bit on what was going on; Carrie has a boyfriend Sebastian who recently professed his love, saying the L word “I love you” (yes, the big L word guys are unbearably stingy with these days). They are both ‘in love’ with each other but keep having arguments that cause an on & off stir in their relationship. They then sort of break-up and in frustration Sebastian finds solace in Carrie’s friend (sorry about the synopsis but there is a point I need to make). It was in this very moment I started questioning what loving a person really means. How can a person profess to be madly in love with you one moment and the next, he’s out with another person. Yes, you may argue that in this case they had broken up but what about those cases where it’s not a matter of separation, just plain infidelity. And ok, even if it is a matter of separation, how can it be that easy for a person to move on in a short while. Was it really love then? As I thought about this, I began to understand important principles in scripture that love is founded upon. These biblical principles are:

1)        Commitment. Commitment means giving up time and putting effort into showing a person that you care about them and their wellbeing. Some people mistake commitment for money, thinking that money can pay for their physical and emotional unavailability, yet this is not so. In Genesis, Jacob worked 14 years for him to marry Rachel. Genesis 29:20 says, “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.” Now, this is love! That is commitment right there. Jacob did not have money to buy Rachel expensive jewels or gifts to prove his love for her (which is what most guys do nowadays thinking that that is what will make a woman happy) but he instead gave his time – himself.  Do not get me wrong; getting spoiled every now and then is a good thing but monetary and material provision should not be a substitute for emotional unavailability. Jacob could have decided to quit along the way, seeing that 7 years (plus another unanticipated 7) was demanding but, he kept at it. He was committed to loving Rachel. In a nutshell, love is consistent; it does not change. Just because there are minor disagreements or major ones, just because we hurt each other now and again, just because we say things we don’t necessarily mean sometimes that does not mean love ceases. It is committed and continues to love. It is patient.

 

2)        Sacrifice. To love a person means to give out your best for their fulfilment, sanctity, comfort, liberation and joy. John 3:16 (which we all know) establishes that God so loved the world that He gave His only son for the redemption of mankind. Romans 3:25 deduces that “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement…”  Love gives and sometimes it requires one to sacrifice their needs and wants for the wellbeing of another. 1 John 3:16 states, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. As we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” Not an easy thing to do because one’s instinct is to think of self, first. But by the grace of God, it is possible to do.

 

3)        Loyalty.  The most important of them all, loyalty – which I myself value so much. Love is about being loyal. Loyalty according to the Oxford definition is, “being true and faithful or a bond that makes a person faithful to something or someone.” Basically it means pledging allegiance to something or someone. Matthew 16:24  expresses, “Then Jesus said to his disciples, If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”  This is to show that love is about vowing to be true, letting go of any other thing to focus on this one thing that you have chosen, and in this scripture – it is about being true in living the life of Christianity. If we profess to loving Christ then it means letting go of every other thing we used to gratify our sinful nature and bring it under the subjection of Christ. In the case of loving someone else, it means staying true to them and the relationship. Being faithful through the fights, misunderstandings, temptations, and strains that may arise in the process. Denying any avenues that may be loopholes for betrayal.

People can interpret love to be different things; emotions, feelings, affection, a heartbeat, passion, but if there is something that I could say about loving a person is that: it is making a choice to commit, to lay down your life on a daily basis to serve and to remain true and faithful no matter what the cost. So, before you go all crazy about how much you’re in love, think about whether you have really loved this person enough to commit, sacrifice and remain loyal in the relationship.

Much love; be blessed.