Jehovah God I reveal my confused heart, unlock this
firm and well-built guard. Step into this selfishness and prideful place, and
clean this broken heart with different parts in many places. Jehovah God, I’m
gonna be still, to avoid the broken parts that cut and scar; so one by one pick
up the parts that are none like you God – one by one. These are lyrics from a song by Markevius
Faulkner titled Jehovah God (One by One) that captured my heart this week. I
had this song on repeat almost the whole day, the other day – just going
through the emotions and silently crying unto the Lord. Silently crying? An
oxymoron I know, but it happens. It’s when your heart and spirit weep without
the melancholic sound of your voice and actual tears slopping down your cheeks.
You are probably questioning the reason behind my
sombre state or rather what happened for me to feel like that; to be going
through the emotions. Well, nothing really. It was simply a call to repentance;
to reflect on the state of my heart. Whereby, one has to consciously let down
their guard, all their worries that have consumed them, the burdens, the past
hurts, disappointments that are locked down in one’s heart, the resentment, the
failures, one’s weaknesses, the anger and bitterness; acknowledging that they are
there (in one’s heart) and letting them go by bringing them before Christ (to
deal with them) - for the benefit of changing, growing and maturing to be a
better person.
The problem with us Christians today is that we
pretend to be ok. We pretend to have it all together when we actually don’t.
Pride has us thinking that just because we are new creatures in Christ and old
things have passed away, we do not have to deal with our sinful nature on a day
to day basis. Matthew 15:19 says, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts
(reasonings and disputings and designs…)” The implication of this
scripture is that from any heart evil thoughts emanate. Whether you are
Christian or not, saved or unsaved; evil thoughts will come out of your heart.
And the only way to overcome (since we have been called to a life of purity and
holiness) is to 1) Admit that our hearts conceive evil thoughts, 2) Surrender
and confess these thoughts before Christ and 3) Ask Him for divine transformation
and renewal.
Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that
purity and holiness are within the boundaries of physical activities, for
example, “As long as I don’t imbibe (drink)…” “As long as I don’t sleep
around…” “As long as I go to church and do all the right things…” “As long as I
am good person…” Then I am ok, I am saved, I am pure. But is your heart pure?
What is in your heart right now? Perhaps you still can’t forgive your father
for never being there, or your siblings and family members for their non-stop
politics, or your colleagues for being difficult or your high school teacher
who said you were dumb or your uncle who swore you would be nothing. Perhaps you are still bitter about that gentleman
or lady who broke your heart and left you picking up the pieces. Perhaps you
are still caught up on your past failures; you keep beating yourself up for
things that you never got right. Perhaps you can’t stop lusting after the
brother in church or that sister in choir… What is in your heart?
We have mastered the art of pretence to the extent
that we have built up “I am doing just fine” walls around us. We can’t even
open up to each other about our struggles (which are there) because we want
everybody to believe we don’t struggle with anything. And this is a lie! Each
person has some kind of thorn in their flesh just like Paul testified of his in
2Corinthians 12:7-9. He said, “To keep me from becoming conceited because
of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my
flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord
to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast more gladly
in my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” In as much as
he does not mention what this thorn is, he does admit to having it and he does
admit to it being a weakness. Thorns
differ; it may be of gluttony, selfishness, pride, lust, vanity, anger, unforgiveness,
brokenness, resentment and bitterness (just to mention a few). What we need to
realize is: when we refuse to deal with these thorns/weaknesses in our lives;
we refuse to grow and we refuse the manifestation of Christ’s power to deliver
us – to reveal His grace and mercy anew to us. In this Christian walk, we need
to understand that:
1) Christian living is
about being renewed every day. Just because we have been born again, it does not mean we are not
subject to wrong thinking and doing. Everyday we have a choice to deny
ourselves - our flesh; to deny getting angry, to deny being haughty, to deny
being unforgiving, to deny holding grudges, to deny being lustful, to deny
being vain in what we say, do or think. It is not only about what you do but
what you think too (I may be smiling outwardly but be cursing inside). It is more
about the state of your heart than your actions. Proverbs 21:2 states, “All a man’s ways seem
right to him but the Lord weighs the heart.”
The Lord looks at the heart. So if your heart is not right, whatever you
do in this wicked state of heart will not be right before Him - no matter how
good it may look before men. And truth is; none of us can claim our hearts to
be right lest we go before God in prayer and in repentance – on a daily basis.
2) Acknowledge your weaknesses
and bring them before the Lord. Our “I am doing just fine” barbed-wired walls have not only closed us
off from being vulnerable amongst our brethren but have closed us off from God
too. We carry a self-righteous attitude before God, refusing to acknowledge our
inadequacies. Instead of crying out before God and asking for help (Paul being
a good example) we bury our weaknesses, sorrows, pains, disappointments deep
within our hearts thinking that that would make them go away. Not knowing that it
will only be a matter of time and the cracks will begin to show. A simple
remedy: If you are hurting, tell God. If you are angry, tell God. If you don’t
understand, tell God. If you are broken, tell God. If you can’t keep your eyes
off men or women, tell God. If you can’t stop your bad habits you are well
aware separate you from Christ, tell Him. He won’t judge you! He will rescue
you. But do not pretend it does not bother you when it does.
3) Let Christ deal with
your heart. Most of us are
reluctant to opening our hearts because we are afraid of the skeletons we would
have to come face to face with. We are afraid of the revelation of who we
really are on the inside because we may not like what we have to come to terms
with. And yet, this is what Christ wants. He wants us to come to terms with the
ugliness of our hearts so that He may renew us and restore us. So that we
become real and genuine – so when we love, we love wholeheartedly; when we
forgive, we forgive freely without keeping record; when we give; we give
cheerfully and when we are kind; we are kind tirelessly without murmuring.
4) Be real. This means being real with your struggles. Sisters
and brothers let us be real with each other. We all have struggles; we all have
some kind of unpleasantness about ourselves. This of course does not mean going
around and bellowing your nakedness to anybody. If God says you must, so that
other people are encouraged through your testimony then the better, do, do so. Do
not pretend to have it all together when you don’t. If you can find sisters or
brothers that you trust whom you can share your struggles with so they can
stand with you in prayer, do so. And if you can’t, go before the Lord and tell
it like it is – He is faithful to set us free. Be transparent with yourself and before God
lest you fool yourself and give the Devil ground to torment you with guilt and
fear.
This walk is not about perfection but it is about
constant renewal of one’s being in Christ. It is about surrender and the acknowledgement
of one’s shortcomings. In seeing our ugliness, we do not only come to the
realization that we need help but are driven to seek being Christ-like so that He
whom we belong to (Christ) may be glorified in us and through us. Let Christ
fix us brethren.
Much love; be blessed.
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